Childhood...

So I've been thinking a lot about being a kid. Looking back and remembering birthday parties, riding bikes, playing in parks, walking around town, and just having some good old fashioned fun.

But then I got to thinking that I'll never really have that kind of fun ever again. For many reasons.
1. I'll never again be that innocent.
2. I think I've lost the ability to pretend. (Not my imagination, just the ability to be satisfied just pretending to do something.)
3. Everyone at my age expects me to act mature, and frankly running around with a stick and try to sword fight with people isn't what society calls "mature".
4. Mountain Dew and sugar just don't make me that hyper anymore. They just add pounds. (I know, I hate being reminded too!!)

But then the more I think about the more upset I become, because I remember being a kid saying over and over "pretend, pretend that..." and really never being satisfied with the fact that things were just pretend. I wanted to be able to play pretend, but have things materialize. (Kind of in the way they do in The Bridge to Terabithia, even though you kind of understand that nothings really happening, it's all in their heads.) And that makes me a little sad and confused. I don't know if any other kid felt that way. That you'd just so much rather say "pretend" and the thing would appear, so that you could really, truly, effectively pretend. That the experiences could be more real.

And the more I think about what it was like when I was a kid, the more I crave that kind of fun. Even if it wasn't completely fulfilling, I want to be able to play again. I want to be able to pretend that I'm the mom and my guy friend could be the dad, and know that it means only that we get to yell at our fake kids, who would be played by our other friends. Course, I suppose the best way to do that would be to take an acting class. I guess. Except it still wouldn't be quite the same, because in acting class you have to actually try and be good, where as when you're just playing with your friends you can be as horrible as possible and it's still FUN!

UGH.. why can't I go back and be a kid again for like a week. Or a month. Or something.