May 3rd

I've realized a lot about myself today. And it reflects on the entry I posted on the 1st of May.

I think I've been too harsh on my friends. I need to check what frustrations I let out before I have prayed about it. I love my friends, and even if I feel that they may not quite return the amount of care I have for them, it is important for me to love them anyway. I've had the opportunity to speak with one of those friends today, and I'm hoping the things I have said to her make her understand me better. We've got some pretty similar views and some very different views, but none the less I don't feel I have to filter my thoughts with her. I can be honest with her, and that's a good feeling.

I have not yet had the chance to talk to the other, I'm actually currently waiting for her to get to my house so I can sit down and talk with her. I'm just praying that the Lord will give me the words to explain to her how I feel. I'm truly concerned about her. And I've strongly felt today that my apathy is the wrong path. I need to care about her, I need to endure pain, and hardship from her and with her, because that's what Christ did for me. I want to show her God's love, and I can't do that if I am letting her walk into situations that I know are going to hurt her. I'll update about that conversation tomorrow. Or post later.

Aaron and I went to Mars Hill again this morning. I am so excited about this place. I have wanted for so long to have a church where I can feel God's presence every Sunday. And it's not at all that I feel my normal church is unGodly, or that they could not inspire me to feel God's presence, it's just that I have become hardened and for some reason Pastor Mark is busting through that wall. To be true, Robin Hadfield is an amazing guy, and he loves the Lord, and is there to do what God has called him to do, but I don't think he's quite touching my core, and I am hungry. Mars Hill is satisfying that hunger, and in fact, making me strive more for the relationship with Christ that I have had in the past and have been so in need of as of late.

I would just ask that you pray that I have the strength to speak honestly and openly with my friend. And pray that my relationship with Christ will only continue to grow, and that my thirst will be quenched, my hunger satisfied. Also pray that I can continue to practice self control, and master my pride. Thank you.