Posts
I have a ton of backed up blogs that I need to post. They're all saved currently on my computer in a word document because my internet didn't want to load. Ugh, what else is new right? I'll load them later tonight, when I get the chance. :)
Today was a pretty chill day. Work wasn't nearly as crazy slow as yesterday, but it was still definitely a weekend vibe. As much as I hate working saturdays, its a bitter sweet business. Getting up at 4am on a saturday isn't fun unless its christmas, so that sucks, but having our easy going supervisors being the only ones around is a joy. Its all smiles on most saturdays. Course the bus I have to take sucks, its always full and smells bad, not to mention it takes twice as long as the bus I take during the week. But all things aside, I don't mind having a weekday off either. We're doing a shift change next month, and I put in for a mon-fri shift, but chances are I won't get it. I'm definitely crossing my fingers though. All I can do is pray about it and see what happens, right?!
Aaron left for california yesterday, and I'm kinda bummed about that, partly because I can't go with him.:P
Its good though, if any thing I need to get used to not seeing him. Once he goes on tour I'm gonna be without him for months at a time, but seperation makes the heart grow fonder. Right?! Right.
Saturday, May 09, 2009
Monday, May 04, 2009
May 4th
Today was a really strange day. Not that anything abnormal happened, but more that it went really quickly, but not as quickly as I would have liked.
I don't know what to do about my friend, and I'm feeling really apathetic again. I tried to talk to her yesterday, like I said I was going to, but the truth is she was so preoccupied by the other things she needed to get done. I'm pretty sure when she said she wanted to talk to me about the problems she's been having with my other friend, what she really wanted was for me to listen and agree. Unfortunately I wasn't ready to do that for her. I explained to her how our friend feels and why she said the things she did, and why she does the things she does, but she didn't want to hear it.
I'm too apathetic, and unnecessarily upset to finish this. Just know that I try, and even though I try it doesn't always work out. fjiew;ueiple
This blog sucks!
I don't know what to do about my friend, and I'm feeling really apathetic again. I tried to talk to her yesterday, like I said I was going to, but the truth is she was so preoccupied by the other things she needed to get done. I'm pretty sure when she said she wanted to talk to me about the problems she's been having with my other friend, what she really wanted was for me to listen and agree. Unfortunately I wasn't ready to do that for her. I explained to her how our friend feels and why she said the things she did, and why she does the things she does, but she didn't want to hear it.
I'm too apathetic, and unnecessarily upset to finish this. Just know that I try, and even though I try it doesn't always work out. fjiew;ueiple
This blog sucks!
Sunday, May 03, 2009
May 3rd
I've realized a lot about myself today. And it reflects on the entry I posted on the 1st of May.
I think I've been too harsh on my friends. I need to check what frustrations I let out before I have prayed about it. I love my friends, and even if I feel that they may not quite return the amount of care I have for them, it is important for me to love them anyway. I've had the opportunity to speak with one of those friends today, and I'm hoping the things I have said to her make her understand me better. We've got some pretty similar views and some very different views, but none the less I don't feel I have to filter my thoughts with her. I can be honest with her, and that's a good feeling.
I have not yet had the chance to talk to the other, I'm actually currently waiting for her to get to my house so I can sit down and talk with her. I'm just praying that the Lord will give me the words to explain to her how I feel. I'm truly concerned about her. And I've strongly felt today that my apathy is the wrong path. I need to care about her, I need to endure pain, and hardship from her and with her, because that's what Christ did for me. I want to show her God's love, and I can't do that if I am letting her walk into situations that I know are going to hurt her. I'll update about that conversation tomorrow. Or post later.
Aaron and I went to Mars Hill again this morning. I am so excited about this place. I have wanted for so long to have a church where I can feel God's presence every Sunday. And it's not at all that I feel my normal church is unGodly, or that they could not inspire me to feel God's presence, it's just that I have become hardened and for some reason Pastor Mark is busting through that wall. To be true, Robin Hadfield is an amazing guy, and he loves the Lord, and is there to do what God has called him to do, but I don't think he's quite touching my core, and I am hungry. Mars Hill is satisfying that hunger, and in fact, making me strive more for the relationship with Christ that I have had in the past and have been so in need of as of late.
I would just ask that you pray that I have the strength to speak honestly and openly with my friend. And pray that my relationship with Christ will only continue to grow, and that my thirst will be quenched, my hunger satisfied. Also pray that I can continue to practice self control, and master my pride. Thank you.
I think I've been too harsh on my friends. I need to check what frustrations I let out before I have prayed about it. I love my friends, and even if I feel that they may not quite return the amount of care I have for them, it is important for me to love them anyway. I've had the opportunity to speak with one of those friends today, and I'm hoping the things I have said to her make her understand me better. We've got some pretty similar views and some very different views, but none the less I don't feel I have to filter my thoughts with her. I can be honest with her, and that's a good feeling.
I have not yet had the chance to talk to the other, I'm actually currently waiting for her to get to my house so I can sit down and talk with her. I'm just praying that the Lord will give me the words to explain to her how I feel. I'm truly concerned about her. And I've strongly felt today that my apathy is the wrong path. I need to care about her, I need to endure pain, and hardship from her and with her, because that's what Christ did for me. I want to show her God's love, and I can't do that if I am letting her walk into situations that I know are going to hurt her. I'll update about that conversation tomorrow. Or post later.
Aaron and I went to Mars Hill again this morning. I am so excited about this place. I have wanted for so long to have a church where I can feel God's presence every Sunday. And it's not at all that I feel my normal church is unGodly, or that they could not inspire me to feel God's presence, it's just that I have become hardened and for some reason Pastor Mark is busting through that wall. To be true, Robin Hadfield is an amazing guy, and he loves the Lord, and is there to do what God has called him to do, but I don't think he's quite touching my core, and I am hungry. Mars Hill is satisfying that hunger, and in fact, making me strive more for the relationship with Christ that I have had in the past and have been so in need of as of late.
I would just ask that you pray that I have the strength to speak honestly and openly with my friend. And pray that my relationship with Christ will only continue to grow, and that my thirst will be quenched, my hunger satisfied. Also pray that I can continue to practice self control, and master my pride. Thank you.
Saturday, May 02, 2009
May 2nd
I'm like 30 pages from finishing Emma and my grandma just stole the book from me!!! I had to sacrafice it so I could watch Harry Potter! Where do my alliances truly lie? I'm a bit ashamed, I must.admit!
So now I'm sitting here watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and enjoying it most thoroughly, but also wondering what's going to happen between Emma and Mr. Knightly. And what about Hariett, when the heck is she going to marry Mr. Martin, because, frankly, I've seen Clueless, I know how this story goes. And also suddenly thinking of the significance of the name "Knightly", hm.
On my way home from work today I managed to get half way to my house when it started pouring down rain! Now normally, like any other person, I would have pulled out my umbrella, but for some reason, it was so humid and it smelled so good, that I couldn't bring myself to block out the rain. It was probably one of the best walks I've had in a long time.
Oh and with just a few unsuspected words, I've come to realize he really loves me. And that makes my life!
So now I'm sitting here watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and enjoying it most thoroughly, but also wondering what's going to happen between Emma and Mr. Knightly. And what about Hariett, when the heck is she going to marry Mr. Martin, because, frankly, I've seen Clueless, I know how this story goes. And also suddenly thinking of the significance of the name "Knightly", hm.
On my way home from work today I managed to get half way to my house when it started pouring down rain! Now normally, like any other person, I would have pulled out my umbrella, but for some reason, it was so humid and it smelled so good, that I couldn't bring myself to block out the rain. It was probably one of the best walks I've had in a long time.
Oh and with just a few unsuspected words, I've come to realize he really loves me. And that makes my life!
Friday, May 01, 2009
May 1st
Okay, so BEDM is not quite as catchy as BEDA, but frankly I didn't catch on to the trend until after April started so, I'm going to try blogging every day in May. Starting with today.
Today was the most beautiful day, 75 degrees and not a cloud in the sky! I couldn't believe how gorgeous it was. Of course I worked all day, then came home, had dinner and am now sitting here, over an hour after I should have been in bed, writing a blog, because I said I would do BEDM, I'm insane.
I've begun to realize a lot about my friends lately. Or at least about those who I call my friends, and what I believe 'friendship' to mean. And it's never quite an exciting day when you have to dissect the reasons your friends do the crappy stuff they do. Or when you have to admit that you have become rather apathetic to their problems, because frankly whether or not you care hasn't made a difference to them for years.
When two specific friends of mine have problems, I'm there to listen. If they are problems with one another I listen and take a level ground, trying to explain to one the reasoning of the other. But frankly, as long as I'm not swayed by either party (which happens on rare occasion), I could be just as easily on the sidelines not listening to either person at all. Not that I don't care about my friends, I have learned over the 10 years we've known each other, that not accepting the fact that all I can do is give advice, and hope they heed it, is only going to stress me out.
It's pointless to try sometimes. Where one is willing to listen, we don't speak enough to keep each other accountable, and the other is not at all willing to take anything that is against her current views (which have a tendency to change from hour to hour).
Thinking of these two particular friends makes me begin to wonder what the word 'friendship' really means. The third dictionary.com definition result says this:
1. The state of being friends; friendly relation, or attachment, to a person, or between persons; affection arising from mutual esteem and good will; friendliness; amity; good will.
2. Kindly aid; help; assistance, [Obs.]
3. Aptness to unite; conformity; affinity; harmony; correspondence. [Obs.]
And I can't begin to comprehend what a friendship like that would look like with these two friends. I definitely don't feel "affection arising from mutual esteem and good will" when talking with the one. I feel more that she has me as a friend of convenience, rather than a friend of "good will" and "mutual esteem". In fact we've got some pretty different views on most things. However, these other views are not something I would be able to share with her, because, frankly, she doesn't want to hear them.
As for 'kindly aid; help; assistance", honestly, I would rather talk with Aaron, or my sister when I was having real problems. For one reason because I know that they will listen, where as one 'friend' will not, and also because I know I feel completely comforted and rightly judged by them. Something I just don't feel from her. But then who is one to worry too much about those they call friends? Was not Jesus one to walk with sinners? And as for me, "let he without sin cast the first stone." I think I need to get my priorities in order. Maybe that's my problem.
Today was the most beautiful day, 75 degrees and not a cloud in the sky! I couldn't believe how gorgeous it was. Of course I worked all day, then came home, had dinner and am now sitting here, over an hour after I should have been in bed, writing a blog, because I said I would do BEDM, I'm insane.
I've begun to realize a lot about my friends lately. Or at least about those who I call my friends, and what I believe 'friendship' to mean. And it's never quite an exciting day when you have to dissect the reasons your friends do the crappy stuff they do. Or when you have to admit that you have become rather apathetic to their problems, because frankly whether or not you care hasn't made a difference to them for years.
When two specific friends of mine have problems, I'm there to listen. If they are problems with one another I listen and take a level ground, trying to explain to one the reasoning of the other. But frankly, as long as I'm not swayed by either party (which happens on rare occasion), I could be just as easily on the sidelines not listening to either person at all. Not that I don't care about my friends, I have learned over the 10 years we've known each other, that not accepting the fact that all I can do is give advice, and hope they heed it, is only going to stress me out.
It's pointless to try sometimes. Where one is willing to listen, we don't speak enough to keep each other accountable, and the other is not at all willing to take anything that is against her current views (which have a tendency to change from hour to hour).
Thinking of these two particular friends makes me begin to wonder what the word 'friendship' really means. The third dictionary.com definition result says this:
Friendship
Friend"ship\, n. [AS. fre['o]ndscipe. See Friend, and -ship.]1. The state of being friends; friendly relation, or attachment, to a person, or between persons; affection arising from mutual esteem and good will; friendliness; amity; good will.
2. Kindly aid; help; assistance, [Obs.]
3. Aptness to unite; conformity; affinity; harmony; correspondence. [Obs.]
And I can't begin to comprehend what a friendship like that would look like with these two friends. I definitely don't feel "affection arising from mutual esteem and good will" when talking with the one. I feel more that she has me as a friend of convenience, rather than a friend of "good will" and "mutual esteem". In fact we've got some pretty different views on most things. However, these other views are not something I would be able to share with her, because, frankly, she doesn't want to hear them.
As for 'kindly aid; help; assistance", honestly, I would rather talk with Aaron, or my sister when I was having real problems. For one reason because I know that they will listen, where as one 'friend' will not, and also because I know I feel completely comforted and rightly judged by them. Something I just don't feel from her. But then who is one to worry too much about those they call friends? Was not Jesus one to walk with sinners? And as for me, "let he without sin cast the first stone." I think I need to get my priorities in order. Maybe that's my problem.
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