Childhood...

So I've been thinking a lot about being a kid. Looking back and remembering birthday parties, riding bikes, playing in parks, walking around town, and just having some good old fashioned fun.

But then I got to thinking that I'll never really have that kind of fun ever again. For many reasons.
1. I'll never again be that innocent.
2. I think I've lost the ability to pretend. (Not my imagination, just the ability to be satisfied just pretending to do something.)
3. Everyone at my age expects me to act mature, and frankly running around with a stick and try to sword fight with people isn't what society calls "mature".
4. Mountain Dew and sugar just don't make me that hyper anymore. They just add pounds. (I know, I hate being reminded too!!)

But then the more I think about the more upset I become, because I remember being a kid saying over and over "pretend, pretend that..." and really never being satisfied with the fact that things were just pretend. I wanted to be able to play pretend, but have things materialize. (Kind of in the way they do in The Bridge to Terabithia, even though you kind of understand that nothings really happening, it's all in their heads.) And that makes me a little sad and confused. I don't know if any other kid felt that way. That you'd just so much rather say "pretend" and the thing would appear, so that you could really, truly, effectively pretend. That the experiences could be more real.

And the more I think about what it was like when I was a kid, the more I crave that kind of fun. Even if it wasn't completely fulfilling, I want to be able to play again. I want to be able to pretend that I'm the mom and my guy friend could be the dad, and know that it means only that we get to yell at our fake kids, who would be played by our other friends. Course, I suppose the best way to do that would be to take an acting class. I guess. Except it still wouldn't be quite the same, because in acting class you have to actually try and be good, where as when you're just playing with your friends you can be as horrible as possible and it's still FUN!

UGH.. why can't I go back and be a kid again for like a week. Or a month. Or something.

Birthdays and fun times...

I spent the night at my sister's house on Thursday night, in order to get ready for my niece's birthday party yesterday, and we stayed up WAY too late. Of course we had to get up early the next morning as well because the house was a mess and we had to do some deep cleaning before, 1st my dad got there, and 2nd all the party guests. I would say it was annoying to clean, but it was actually really easy. I find it's easier for me to clean other people's homes, but not my own. Or is that just an excuse? Who knows. Maybe I should go into house cleaning as a living. :P Or not.

Speaking of which I need a new job sooo bad. I've thought of a couple of places and I sent in an application the other day, but they said it can take up to 14 days to get even a response. Stupid much?! I'd say so. Whatever, I'll find something soon. I just have to start really looking. :)

Any who, I've got some shopping to do. TTFN! (Oh, Tigger, how I love you!)

New hair and serious talks!

So I got my hair cut and foiled today. It is so perfect. It's like the stylist was in my head, she knew exactly what I wanted. I'm kinda bummed now that she's moving to Texas. But she recommended another stylist, so that was nice of her. :)

My niece is having her birthday party tomorrow. Yay!!! She just turned two on Monday. And so knows she's special right now. Haha. She's so adorable. I can't believe she's getting so big! Both of my nieces make me smile!!!

Spent some really great time last night talking with Aaron. I love how easy our conversation is. We spent some time going through his room trying to clean out a lot of the clutter. Which we made a teeny dent in, but didn't get very far. Of course, there's like a million things in there that he wants to look through and read, etc, but he's pretty swift about what he wants to keep and what he wants to trash. So that's nice. It gave us a chance to just talk though, which is really really nice. I love just conversing with him, even if it's about nothing important. We talk, but we never really just talk, you know. Most of what we talk about is what we've done during the day, etc. And never really memories, and well, just different stuff. Plus a lot of the time we spend together there are other people there, so we don't get one on one time too much.

He got in a heated debate with his mom, though. I just sat there taking it all in. It was pretty interesting. They were discussing whether or not it is possible that Evolution has a place within Creationism. Basically whether or not God used Evolution as a process of creating Adam and Eve, and all the animals. It was nice to be on the outside of the conversation, I'll tell you that much. It gave me good perspective on how each of them would deal with a non-believer. To be honest, I think Aaron would be more likely to win over their respect. Of course they may see in his mom a fire and a passion and faith. But, usually that's only seen by people on the inside who also believe. Those who don't may just see her as stubborn, and possibly even "brain washed". I guess it all just depends on the person.

10.06.2008

So today is my niece's birthday and it's probably the grimiest grosses day ever. But it's good to know that something so beautiful as a 2nd birthday can still happen on such a dreary day.

Spent some time last night with my boy. We were intending on getting him some new clothes, but unfortunately, like always, his recording took too much time. But I did get to go to dinner and watch a movie with him. It was the first "date" we've been on in a while, and it was nice. It's really nice to think about how easy it is for us to be together, how much fun we have doing barely anything. I love him. He annoys the crap out of me sometimes, but once I'm with him it's really easy to remember why I love him.

So I wanna get my haircut, no I NEED to get my hair cut, and these are the styles I'm considering. Not sure which one I'm gonna go with.




















Here's a possibility, I think I'd want it longer ish, or something.



I don't really like her, but i like her hair.




I like the one on the right...



It would have to be a little shorter, but something like this would be good too.

Any way, yeah those are some choices, but I'd obviously have to work around my hair's characteristics.

:)

It's actually kind of nice...

It's nice to sit here and say anything, let it all out and know that no one is going to read it.

So I woke up this morning to phone call that I almost didn't answer, and maybe it would have been better had I not.

So I've been up since 9am, and I've spent the rest of the day just doing this, spending time online doing really nothing. I made my coffee way too weak, I have no milk so I can't have cereal, I really don't have much food at all in this house, and it's freezing in here. So basically, my day has been pretty lame. I'm going tonight to the Opeth concert with Aaron, which I'm kind of excited about. I don't know how much I like Opeth, but I do know that it's supposed to be a really good show, so I'll take the opportunity to experience it. I find I'm not a concert type of person, well not the concerts Aaron likes. It surprises me a little to realize that I don't really like to go. I find it kind of boring most of the time. But I think a lot of that has to do with the atmosphere of the shows that we go to. And Aaron's enthusiasm, or lack there of. Honestly, I go mostly because it's the chance to spend time with him doing something he loves. I can't deny him. Maybe that's wrong. Maybe some people would say that I'm focusing too much on what he loves and wants and not enough on what I love and want, but really, he is what I love and what I want. I don't have a lot of hobbies, but there are things that I love to do. I just don't have the motivation. I'm lazy, honestly. And I hate being lazy, but I don't have anyone to keep me accountable. The one who tries just ends up being harsh and makes me feel worse and less willing to change.

Did you know, www.freecreditreport.com isn't actually free? WTF!? Right?!

So, I need a job. I want a job. I love the idea of working with kids, but I need to find the right place to do that. I would love to work in an office doing paperwork, filing, alphabetizing, data entry, answering phones, scheduling appointments, all of the menial tasks that everyone hates doing, those are the things that I would love to do all the time.