Love, Me

I walked home slowly today, pondering life, and reality. Somehow riding that particular bus makes this life feel more like my own. Maybe it's the size, or the comfort of the seats, or the fact that I can recline more easily. Whatever the case, it's mine.
I walked, watching the trees go by and imagining what the world looked like before we tore up its roots and planted our own molten soil. Looking up into the fading light and feeling the warmth sooth my soul.
My mind is like the earth, revolving. No matter if I wanted to stop it, it always returns to you.
Casually walking, I think to myself how comfortable I am. Nothing in this life is wrong, least of all you. Daily I see myself coming home. Not to the house I currently occupy, but to an unknown, familiar place. These are my dreams, both day and night.



Today was a pretty uneventful day. I went to work, came home and have spent the last hour or so trying to be creative (see above). It's alright, I just lose my flow after a bit, I think I've finally learned to let it go when I can't make it sound right anymore though. That's good.

I'm so unbelievably tired. Not exactly physically tired, but more just burned out, almost. I've been so busy doing so many different things lately, I feel like I don't have time to relax. But as much as I've been saying that for the past few days, I'm not slowing down. Tomorrow only marks the umpteenth time I should be staying home and relaxing, but am instead going to be social. I can't help but get caught up in the moment, and then wish I had said "maybe" instead of "oh heck yes, I'll be there!". I don't feel like I can back out of things anymore. So, I'm going.

I'm not upset that I'm going out tomorrow night, just wondering when I'm going to get to all those things I need to do done. Like giving the dog a bath, and doing some laundry (which better freaking be done tonight... I need to do that now... done). But you get the picture, right? Busy busy busy!! :P

Speaking of which I need to get to bed, I gotta get up for work in the morning.. oh my life, so full of stuffs! :)

NIGHT!

Enter witty title here.

So, that party last night, turned out to be just Leach, Rich, Jeremy, Aaron and I. Not nearly as huge and raging as I thought it would be. Which sucks a little for Leach, but it made the setting a lot more comfortable.

Basically, it wasn't all bad!

Warning: Sap ahead!

Spending time with Aaron keeps getting sweeter and sweeter. Its not that he does anything particularly cute or anything, its just the fact he's around, I think. I told him last night that I love him now more than I did 3 weeks ago. He asked me why. Its because I've seen him so much, and I remember that I like him, a lot, which proves to me that I love him, not just the thought of him. Semi-big breakthrough for me. Mostly because I worry sometimes if my love for him is real or not. It is.

/sap

I stayed up way too late last night, and now I'm super tired and on my way to work. I wanted so desperately to crawl back in bed and call out today, but I held back. I concluded to suck it up and drink a lot of coffee. Maybe my friend Skyler can keep me awake, hopefully.

Gotta catch the bus! Later!

It's 9:07pm and I have work tomorrow. Normally I'd be crawling into bed to watch an episode or two of Doctor Who before passing out. But, alas, not tonight. I am instead raging through my poor excuse of a wardrobe trying to find something to wear to my friends 24 birthday party. And when I say poor, I mean like, really really poor. I have absolutely NO attractive clothing worth wearing to a birthday party, even if the birthday party is being held at my friends bachelor pad of an apartment. I'm seriously freaking out right now. Why do I suck so much at shopping for cute clothing? Ugh!

I wasn't even gonna go to this party. All day I've just felt like coming home, snuggling up in a blanket and watching a movie with Aaron. Instead I'm being dragged, giftless, to a birthday party that's only going to be full of drunk people that I don't know, and probably wouldn't like even if I did. Then again, maybe I'm just being pessimistic... probably not.


I have been ridiculously spoiled by Aaron this week though. He texted me randomly at work on Tuesday to come over and help him shave his beard (see previous post for dramatic transformation), which is not normal. Then he pre-planned a couples night with the Weifords on Wednesday (Wednesday with the Weifords, that's got a ring to it), and now I'm going to see him again tonight. If I didn't relish every second I spent with Aaron, then I probably wouldn't be going to that party tonight, especially considering I then have to wake myself up in the morning for work. At least tomorrow is my "Friday".

Things have been too good with Aaron lately. I keep waiting for them to get crappy again. Our relationship seems to just work that way. We'll be really, ridiculously, happy and cute, then he'll just get super busy and be gone a lot, and I get all depressed and feel rejected. Then he'll come back from whatever world it is he lives in half the time and be all cute and just the right amount of clingy again. It's a weird cycle, but I guess it works for us (though we all know I like the 'just-the-right-amount-of-clingy' more than the 'am-I-gonna-see-you-again-in-my-lifetime?').

I can't help thinking about marrying him, but it's always stronger when we hang out with the Weifords. It's like I see my future walking around in front of me, but I can't keep it. I can't stay in the future, I have to endure the present first. It's frustrating, to say the least, but I've got to let it go, I've got to let him work it out for himself. No matter what I say, he's gonna take his time to get to the place I'm in (and he's always late, let me tell you what).

It's not that I'm looking forward to the wedding, and the honeymoon, and the flowers, dresses, vows, flower girl, gifts, people, wedding, church, etc. It's that I can't wait for the mundane everyday. The coming home to him at night, and waking up with him each morning. It's the planning a family and watching our children grow. The getting old and still holding hands. Maybe even the matching sweat suits, who knows. I just can't see myself married to anyone else. I can't see myself loving anyone else. I'm 22 years old, I've got plenty of life left, but this, this marriage thing, tugs at my heart and mind daily. It's irrepressible. I can't walk down the street, or ride the bus, or work, or move, or breath without somehow connecting it to him. And just thinking about him makes me think about how happy he makes me, and how much I want to be that happy everyday. BLEGH! Shut up, Laura!

Any way, I'm supposed to be leaving in 20 minutes and I still don't have real clothes on. Maybe I'll just wear my p.j.s, you think that would be acceptable? Didn't think so. Gah. Alright, I'm gonna dredge something up out of my closet. Hopefully this is worth it.

Wow, it's only 4:36 in the afternoon and I'm already pooped!

My sister came over this morning with her two girls and a friend of theirs and we played at my grandma's, their 'Nana's' house for a few hours then went back home. There wasn't anything in particular that made me tired, it's just something about spending time with three children under the age of 7 that wears you out after a while. (Probably doesn't help that I was up till 1am this morning.)

I had good reason to be up so late, however. See, my boyfriend has been growing a beard on and off for the last 3 years. Needless to say it was about 8-10 inches long and extremely bushy. Well, he had a talk with one of his managers about a month ago about it and was advised that one of the regional managers felt it was too long and inappropriate for work. So, he was given a choice, trim the beard, or get rid of it entirely. He decided that if he had to get rid of it, he was gonna do it all the way. So, we spent an hour or so shaving off the beard.

Let me show you the dramatic transformation...


He went from this:


To this:
So, yeah, BIG difference. I told him after it was gone that he looked like a different person. And he does, sort of. It's just that I haven't seen him without facial hair for at least 5 years, and he's had the full beard for 3. It's just that he grew up while he had the beard and he doesn't look like a little boy anymore. Even without the facial hair he looks like a man. I like it a lot, I just have to get used to it. I sent him a really sappy sweet text last night explaining why I was acting weird on the way home after he shaved it off. But I'll spare you the girly details.

Any way, now I'm waiting around for him to get here so that we can go have dinner with some friends. Ah, what a busy day off. Well at least I'm loved, yeah?! Mhmm!

Having not written in almost a month, I'm sure there is a million things I could have talked about, but just didn't take the time to document them. Well, that stops today. I think. For now? Ugh I hate not blogging, but I can't make myself do it.... /whining.

Now I could write about my day yesterday, but frankly I just tried, and I failed at being even remotely interesting... So to move on, I'm just gonna take Hayley's advice and fill out the survey she posted on her page.

1. What author do you own the most books by?

I thought for a second it was a tie between C.S. Lewis and J.K. Rowling, simply because HP and The Chronicles have the same number of books. But then I've realized that I own more than just The Chronicles of Narina by C.S. Lewis, so simply because he has written more books C.S. Lewis is my answer.

2. What book do you own the most copies of?
Rebel Angels (2) and Crime and Punishment (2), dunno why I have two copies of Crime and Punishment, but I have to copies of Rebel Angels because Amazon didn't register I had ordered it already, until I put in a new order for it. Ugh, that was joint stupidness on both our parts.

3. Did it bother you that both those questions ended with prepositions?
Honestly I didn't notice, but that's because it was just to easy to answer, I think....?

4. What fictional character are you secretly in love with?
Books: Mr. Darcy, Jacob Black (ugh you said secretly, but I'm really pretty much over Twilight at this point), Ron Weasley, and uh, I need someone actually interesting.... so uhhhhhh... uhhh... wow, I fail at being interesting. Movies: 'The Doctor' aka Doctor Who, Mr Darcy (I do love movies made from books), and well can I say Ronald Weasley again, because, frankly, Rupert Grint is freaking adorable.

5. What book have you read the most times in your life (excluding picture books read to children; i.e., Goodnight Moon does not count)?
The Secret Garden (so many times I've lost count), and The full series of the Chronicles of Narnia (at least 3 times)

6. What was your favorite book when you were ten years old?
I think it was PS Longer Letter Later, but I might have been like 11 or 12 then, can't really remember.

7. What is the worst book you've read in the past year?
Sorry avid Twilight fans, but I detested Wuthering Heights, the characters are obnoxious and I was forced to read about 2 generations of them. Gah. And of course, Breaking Dawn was pretty horrible, I laughed through 80% of it and was pissed the other 20%.

8. What is the best book you've read in the past year?
I think it's a toss up between Bram Stoker's Dracula and Franny and Zooey. I've read Catcher in the Rye and I liked it, except that it seemed to start and end rather abruptly, but Franny and Zooey blew me away, I loved it. I'm definitely not kicking myself that I gave J.D. Salinger another chance. Oh and how could I forget The Book Thief, Markus Zusak wrote that book just for me I think. :)

9. If you could force everyone you tagged to read one book, what would it be?
"J.D. Salinger's Franny and Zooey. It contains my soul." I love this quote from Hayley, I feel a bit more interesting knowing that she enjoys that book as much as I do. But The Book Thief by Markus Zusak is high on my list as well.

10. What book would you most like to see made into a movie?
I think a book being made into a movie is bitter sweet, because you run the risk of your favorite part being omitted. For example, the very end of Prince Caspian where Aslan runs through the valley with Susan, Lucy and the trees, and so on. I was so very excited to see them make that scene, but they didn't, and it made the movie worse for me (I was pissed 10 minutes into the movie, anyway, but that could have potentially fixed it).
But I am pretty excited for Paper Towns


In case you're interested, I just killed a HUGE spider! UGH!


11. What book would you least like to see made into a movie?
Any book where the screen writer pulls a "Prince Caspian". By that I mean, makes the characters nothing like they really are and changes everything but the very basics of the story.

12. Describe your weirdest dream involving a writer, book, or literary character.
You're gonna try to make me admit to that... I don't think so.

13. What is the most lowbrow book you've read as an adult?
Probably the Twilight Series.

14. What is the most difficult book you've ever read?
The Piano Tuner, and not because it was a hard book to read, but mostly because I really was NOT interested, but I'm pretty much a stickler about finishing books that I start.

15. What is the most obscure Shakespeare play you've seen?
Well, the only one I could call obscure would be a school's fifties rendition of A Midsummer Night's Dream, so mix Grease and Midsummer and there you are.

16. Do you prefer the French or the Russians?
Oh goodness, I have no idea.

17. Roth or Updike?
I'm lame enough to say I have not experienced either.

18. David Sedaris or Dave Eggers?
Uh, again, let me repeat, I have not read either.

19. Shakespeare, Milton, or Chaucer?
Shakespeare.

20. Austen or Eliot?
I absolutely adore Austen.

21. What is the biggest or most embarrassing gap in your reading?
Um, how about most of it. If I can ever get my head out of the Harry Potter reading level, then I'll let you know.

22. What is your favorite novel?
I've always loved The Secret Garden, but I have definitely fallen in love with The Book Thief. I love to read about WWII as morbid and depressing as it is, it's fascinating to me.

23. Play?
Midsummer Night's Dream. Of course, I haven't really seen any main stream plays, mostly just school musicals and the like. (However I did see Wicked when I was in NY and it was amazing, but I don't know if a musical counts as a play, in my book it doesn't.)

24. Poem?
I haven't read enough. I am somehow not much of a poem person.

25. Essay?
Oh gosh, if I could remember the name of the last one I read and did not also write, I would tell you.

26. Work of nonfiction?
The Revolution. A Manifesto. By Ron Paul. That guy is ridiculously intelligent once you get past his weird little quirks.

27. Who is your favorite writer?
I'm gonna say either Markus Zusak or Jane Austen, very different, but both very good.

28. Who is the most overrated writer alive today?
"Sigh. I'd rather avoid the drama. Chances are, you know my answer to this question already. If you agree, bite your lower lip and smile to yourself. If you disagree, put down the pitchfork; it's an opinion. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you're probably better for it." Oh Hayley, how could anyone put it better??

29. What is your desert island book?
Honestly, I think I would have to say Franny and Zooey. I could read that book over and over again.

30. And... what are you reading right now?
13 Bullets by David Wellington (I have this thing with evil vampires ever since reading Bram Stoker's Dracula), Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen and Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger (again).


Well that tested my knowledge, and I think it was totally worth it. There's so much literature out there, and I've read so little. I need to work on that. I should go back to the '1001 books you should read before you die' list and start picking a few off. Even though I think I've read at least 20 of them already. Wow, long way to go, yeah?