It's been a long time since I've written, but I suppose that's normal. As I say in every return blog, I'm not good at keeping this thing up. Oh well, any way, here goes...
Things have been remarkably normal for me in the last three months. Well, I suppose that's not true at all. I've broken up with my boyfriend, gone through the awkward stage of not dating, but still desperately wanting to be friends with one another, and then back to being completely comfortable around each other. I've had a few people ask, those who have seen us together, whether or not we're dating again. I've had to, slightly reluctantly, tell them no. I'd love to say yes, yes we are, but even I know that it's not going to work that way. I can't let it. I'm at a point now were it's all or nothing. Either he proposes, or we just won't be together. I know that sounds extreme, but honestly, it's just realistic. We dated for over 5 years, and one of the multitude of reasons we broke up was because he wasn't sure when he wanted to get married. We both, of course, felt it didn't make much sense to be in a long term relationship with no intention of marriage, at least not anytime soon. And, I still don't think it would make any more sense to resume dating, leaving us right back where we started from.
I struggled with us being apart for a short time. It's been easier to handle because we made a commitment to stay friends. He was my best friend then, and he still is now, not holding his hand doesn't change that. I am surprised, in fact, at how much time we have spent together since we broke up. There was a period of about 3 or 4 weeks where he was over nearly every night. I've never spent that much time with him, not even when we first started dating. I do realize, however, that him no longer working a typical job and having a lot more time on his hands played into that a lot, but, what's more important, and more surprising, is that he chose to spend that time with me. Not to say that he would prefer to be doing something else, but rather, that he spends quite a good deal of time on his music. Totally understandable considering writing for and performing with 7 Horns and recording and mixing other bands is his intended career for now and the future. It's just that he was over more often than I thought he would be, and I'm very glad for it.
I've also got school starting in a couple months. I have some last minute financial aid stuff to take care of, but assuming it's not going to cost me a fortune, I should be starting in late March. I've been struggling a little more lately with whether or not to even go to school for Early Childhood Education, or to just go out, get a CPR certification and start working at a day care. I know, that's coming slightly full circle, since looking for a daycare job is what spurred the idea of the ECE degree, but I feel as though either would be a path I would love to go down. I just now have to decide if I want a degree, and if I really want to pay for that degree, or if I would prefer to walk from my own job now directly to working with children. It's hard for me to decide, mostly because of the benefits I do receive now, and the potential of losing those benefits. But, I do know that I'm being called to work with kids, and being at my current job is keeping me from that. I have thought of doing both, sort of. Something like waking up early and volunteering somewhere to help out with childcare. I just don't know where, close to work, that I could do that. I'll have to look into that and let you know if I find anything.
I'd best be off to bed, I have to work in the morning. Goodnight. Sweet dreams!
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